Dear friends,
How are you doing? It’s a nasty world out there right now. We are coming up on Pride Weekend (at least, Pride as it is celebrated in SF, though other cities celebrate other weekends) and I can’t help but think how different it is from last year. Last year the Supreme Court had just gifted our nation with a historic ruling on marriage equality, and the streets were brimming with unbridled joy. But this year, there will be security checkpoints and metal detectors on the streets of San Francisco, because in the wake of the Orlando shooting nobody can take any chances.
I saw a few articles following up on the Orlando shooter and suggesting that Omar Mateen was a deeply closeted, self-hating gay man who could find no other absolution for his sense of self-loathing than to go down in a massive martyrdom effort. As the story continues to unfold, a man who says he was a former lover of Mateen’s suggests the shooting was more vengeful than homophobic. There are probably more layers of meaning, and we may never know exactly what was going on in his mind. We know that self-hatred usually does not burst outward into murder (and is much more likely to be internalized in suicide), but due to other factors, from his cultural background to his mental health situation, this may have been the unusual road Mateen took.
Let’s not engage in too much speculation… but whether this story is true or false, I do want to comment on the suggested narrative in a theological sense, because it is a powerful one. The story of a person hating themselves so much they would die and kill to get rid of the misery rings true in a sense, and convicts us all. We know how homophobic our society is and how difficult it is for people to even internally accept their sexual orientations, much less to publicly come out. It is even harder for people in conservative religious groups (whether Christian, Muslim, or any other religion), and it tends to also be more difficult for people of color, depending on their community. So, we can accept our complicity in a society that has not yet made fully clear on every level that we have the freedom to love whom we love. We can accept our complicity, and ask for forgiveness even as we work to change our society.
MPC has for many years steered well clear of the language of sin and forgiveness. This is important for people who have been hurt by judgmental religion in the past, and especially those who have been told they are “sinners” because of whom they love. But I think we are missing something if we leave it out altogether. For one, we miss the chance to experience the lavish forgiveness of God, and of our loving community.
But more, we are missing the language of complicity. We all have a share of sin, because we take part in a society that lays waste the land, pollutes the seas, leaves hungry children unfed, allows semi-automatic weapons to be purchased over the counter, and leaves far too many LGBTQ people swamped in self-loathing and shame. We all have a share of sin, because even if we devote our lives to it, we cannot do enough to cure the social illnesses that plague our nation and our world.
The good news is that in Christ Jesus our sin is forgiven. And there is work to be done. As forgiven, beloved children of God, let us commit to this work with our whole heart and mind and strength.
Every Blessing,
Talitha